Thoughts: Understanding Myself and My Anxiety #2

I still continue to find articles that help me to better understand myself and my anxiety. Here are two more.

22 Ways People With Mental Illness Know They Are Loved
The numbers that apply to me: 1-3, 5-15, 17-20, 22

36 People Share How They’ve Helped Friends Through Their Anxiety
The numbers that apply to me: 1-4 (for me it's grounding), 5-7, 9-14, 16, 20-22 (if we're in public or someone else is around), 23-25 (for me it's offering to help do chores or make food, etc.), 27, 28 (even just the good memories in general, my boyfriend does this for me from time to time), 29 (hot chocolate), 31-36

I'm finding as a general rule of thumb, just ask me what I need if I'm feeling really anxious. If I say I don't know what I want, opening a yogscast channel on youtube for me, asking what I haven't watched yet and opening that video for me, that really helps. If you don't have access to the internet, just be patient and wait for me to calm down on my own or to ask you for something specific. Go ahead and do your own thing at that point, I don't want to be a burden. But please stay in the same room close by. If we're in public or in a situation with people I don't feel comfortable seeing my anxiety (say at your house but you have other friends over), act normal for me and help me leave the situation that's causing me to be anxious without causing a scene.

If I'm having a full blown panic attack and I can't speak, first help me get my breathing under control. Count at a calm pace "In, 2, 3, 4, Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8" over and over until I'm breathing ok on my own. Then help me with grounding. Ask me to tell you 5 things I can see. Be patient. It may take me a moment. When I've done that then ask me to tell you 4 things I can physically touch. Then ask me to tell you 3 things I can hear. Next ask me to tell you 2 things I can smell. Lastly, ask me to tell you one thing I can taste. This makes the world real and solid again. When I panic I feel like I'm falling into a dark void. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm dying. It's absolutely terrifying. Also when I'm having a panic attack, please don't touch me.

Outside of having an anxiety or panic attack, treat me like you always have. I have anxiety. I am not the embodiment of anxiety. Be there for me but do not try to fix me. That is a huge one. Don't try to fix me and don't treat me as if I am broken or any less because I have anxiety. Validate my reality. Yes, I am fully aware that sometimes my reality is really messed up but that doesn't make it any less real to me. Don't tell me I'm being irrational because trust me, I know that. If I need a reality check, I will ask for it. Don't tell me that this or that should be easy or say things like "Welcome to adulthood" if a new "adult" experience really made me anxious. Things like that only make me feel like a failure and I'm already going to be hard enough on myself as is. Again, trust me I know what is considered to be "normal" and "easy" for other people. It doesn't help when you point out that I'm struggling with them. The last thing I'm going to list here is please learn my triggers and watch for signs that I'm getting really anxious. My biggest sign that I'm getting really anxious is when I go really still and really quiet and I am no longer paying attention to what's going on around me.

That's all that I can think of right now. The paragraphs you just read address what I feel to be especially important and relevant to me. I'm finally learning to discern and articulate what helps me personally, at least a little bit. The articles along with my numbers should address anything else that I missed. I hope this helps you to understand me and what's going on in my head a little better. Like I said, I'm always learning new things so if I learn something else or find a new article, I'll definitely post it. Also, please feel free to ask me questions if you're ever unsure about something. I take that as a sign that you care and are willing to learn along with me.

Article: Why We Need to Stop Casually Throwing Around Words Like 'Bipolar' or 'OCD' | Keeping it Real for Those Who Struggle

The words "OCD", "deprssed", "anxious", and "bi-polar",  among others, are being used a lot more today than they have even been. My mom reassures me that when she was growing up, you never spoke about mental illness. It "just wasn't a thing back then". This is a good sign. Although there are still many stigmas about mental illness floating around, at least conversations about mental health are taking place. But one thing that doesn't help people with mental illness is how casually words such as "OCD", "bi-polar", "anxious" and "depressed" are being used. Even I'm guilty of this: "The weather is being so bi-polar today" or "I'm just feeling a little OCD right now". As someone who struggles with anxiety and has many friends who struggle with depression, I generally try not to casually throw around words that define mental illness. What I didn't realize was exactly how much casually using those words can impact how people view mental illness. What opened my eyes was an article I found online: Why We Need to Stop Casually Throwing Around Words Like 'Bipolar' or 'OCD'.

The basic gist of the article is that when people use a phrase like "I'm depressed" in a situation where that person is just having a rough day, people come to associate the phrase "I'm depressed" to mean that someone is having a rough day rather than it referring to actual, medically defined depression. I've encountered this a little bit in my day to day life. If I tell someone that I have an anxiety disorder sometimes they'll say something like "Oh yeah I understand that. I get anxious right before exams". I know that they mean well when they say that but the reality is that they don't get it. Having an anxiety disorder is so much more than feeling anxious every once and awhile before a important event. Just like having depression is so much more than having a rough day and OCD is so much more than liking things to be organized. Basically casually using words and phrases that refer to medically defined mental illnesses downplays the severity and importance of the actual mental illness which in turn makes it harder for people who actually have the mental illness to seek help and talk about what they are going through. This also creates disconnect between people who don't have mental illness and people who do by promoting an idea that it's not that bad.

If you get the chance, please give the article a read. I didn't cover everything in it and the studies behind it are actually really interesting.

Keep the positive conversations about mental illness going but please also make sure you are using medical terms (depressed, anxious, OCD, bi-polar, etc.) in the correct context.