Thoughts: Understanding Myself and My Anxiety #2

I still continue to find articles that help me to better understand myself and my anxiety. Here are two more.

22 Ways People With Mental Illness Know They Are Loved
The numbers that apply to me: 1-3, 5-15, 17-20, 22

36 People Share How They’ve Helped Friends Through Their Anxiety
The numbers that apply to me: 1-4 (for me it's grounding), 5-7, 9-14, 16, 20-22 (if we're in public or someone else is around), 23-25 (for me it's offering to help do chores or make food, etc.), 27, 28 (even just the good memories in general, my boyfriend does this for me from time to time), 29 (hot chocolate), 31-36

I'm finding as a general rule of thumb, just ask me what I need if I'm feeling really anxious. If I say I don't know what I want, opening a yogscast channel on youtube for me, asking what I haven't watched yet and opening that video for me, that really helps. If you don't have access to the internet, just be patient and wait for me to calm down on my own or to ask you for something specific. Go ahead and do your own thing at that point, I don't want to be a burden. But please stay in the same room close by. If we're in public or in a situation with people I don't feel comfortable seeing my anxiety (say at your house but you have other friends over), act normal for me and help me leave the situation that's causing me to be anxious without causing a scene.

If I'm having a full blown panic attack and I can't speak, first help me get my breathing under control. Count at a calm pace "In, 2, 3, 4, Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8" over and over until I'm breathing ok on my own. Then help me with grounding. Ask me to tell you 5 things I can see. Be patient. It may take me a moment. When I've done that then ask me to tell you 4 things I can physically touch. Then ask me to tell you 3 things I can hear. Next ask me to tell you 2 things I can smell. Lastly, ask me to tell you one thing I can taste. This makes the world real and solid again. When I panic I feel like I'm falling into a dark void. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm dying. It's absolutely terrifying. Also when I'm having a panic attack, please don't touch me.

Outside of having an anxiety or panic attack, treat me like you always have. I have anxiety. I am not the embodiment of anxiety. Be there for me but do not try to fix me. That is a huge one. Don't try to fix me and don't treat me as if I am broken or any less because I have anxiety. Validate my reality. Yes, I am fully aware that sometimes my reality is really messed up but that doesn't make it any less real to me. Don't tell me I'm being irrational because trust me, I know that. If I need a reality check, I will ask for it. Don't tell me that this or that should be easy or say things like "Welcome to adulthood" if a new "adult" experience really made me anxious. Things like that only make me feel like a failure and I'm already going to be hard enough on myself as is. Again, trust me I know what is considered to be "normal" and "easy" for other people. It doesn't help when you point out that I'm struggling with them. The last thing I'm going to list here is please learn my triggers and watch for signs that I'm getting really anxious. My biggest sign that I'm getting really anxious is when I go really still and really quiet and I am no longer paying attention to what's going on around me.

That's all that I can think of right now. The paragraphs you just read address what I feel to be especially important and relevant to me. I'm finally learning to discern and articulate what helps me personally, at least a little bit. The articles along with my numbers should address anything else that I missed. I hope this helps you to understand me and what's going on in my head a little better. Like I said, I'm always learning new things so if I learn something else or find a new article, I'll definitely post it. Also, please feel free to ask me questions if you're ever unsure about something. I take that as a sign that you care and are willing to learn along with me.

Article: Why We Need to Stop Casually Throwing Around Words Like 'Bipolar' or 'OCD' | Keeping it Real for Those Who Struggle

The words "OCD", "deprssed", "anxious", and "bi-polar",  among others, are being used a lot more today than they have even been. My mom reassures me that when she was growing up, you never spoke about mental illness. It "just wasn't a thing back then". This is a good sign. Although there are still many stigmas about mental illness floating around, at least conversations about mental health are taking place. But one thing that doesn't help people with mental illness is how casually words such as "OCD", "bi-polar", "anxious" and "depressed" are being used. Even I'm guilty of this: "The weather is being so bi-polar today" or "I'm just feeling a little OCD right now". As someone who struggles with anxiety and has many friends who struggle with depression, I generally try not to casually throw around words that define mental illness. What I didn't realize was exactly how much casually using those words can impact how people view mental illness. What opened my eyes was an article I found online: Why We Need to Stop Casually Throwing Around Words Like 'Bipolar' or 'OCD'.

The basic gist of the article is that when people use a phrase like "I'm depressed" in a situation where that person is just having a rough day, people come to associate the phrase "I'm depressed" to mean that someone is having a rough day rather than it referring to actual, medically defined depression. I've encountered this a little bit in my day to day life. If I tell someone that I have an anxiety disorder sometimes they'll say something like "Oh yeah I understand that. I get anxious right before exams". I know that they mean well when they say that but the reality is that they don't get it. Having an anxiety disorder is so much more than feeling anxious every once and awhile before a important event. Just like having depression is so much more than having a rough day and OCD is so much more than liking things to be organized. Basically casually using words and phrases that refer to medically defined mental illnesses downplays the severity and importance of the actual mental illness which in turn makes it harder for people who actually have the mental illness to seek help and talk about what they are going through. This also creates disconnect between people who don't have mental illness and people who do by promoting an idea that it's not that bad.

If you get the chance, please give the article a read. I didn't cover everything in it and the studies behind it are actually really interesting.

Keep the positive conversations about mental illness going but please also make sure you are using medical terms (depressed, anxious, OCD, bi-polar, etc.) in the correct context.

Poem: Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

A very close friend of mine sent me this poem. Like me, they struggle with mental illness. They told me that when they are feeling overwhelmed this poem helps them to calm down. I discovered that when I read this poem I feel that same way. It's a beautiful piece that soothes the worried heart and anxious soul.

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Video: The Beginner's Guide - An Evening With Sips

Sips is also a member of the Yogscast. I just happened to stumble on this full play-through of a game called The Beginner's Guide. For those of you who are familiar with video games, this game was created by the same people who made Stanley's Parable. The reason I am posting this here is because the game turned out to be surprisingly deep and thought provoking and I wanted to share that.

Video: YOGSKIM VLOG SPECIAL! Taking a Break | Yogscast Kim talks about mental health

The Yogscast is a youtube group that I really enjoy watching and for me, watching them daily, especially before I go to bed, really helps me calm down when I feel anxious. I was watching this vlog update from one of the members, her name is Kim, and I really loved what she had to say about mental illness. I also admire her for being strong enough to walk away from work for a while and to take some time off to take care of herself. My favorite part of the video and the message I really want everyone to hear starts at 16:30 (I couldn't get the time stamp link to work) but feel free to watch the whole thing. She talks about how she's been taking care of herself and what she's been going through earlier in the video. She also makes some comments on how to deal with hate and the significance of the people who show you love and support which I think is a reminder we all need at some point in our lives.

Thoughts: Understanding Myself and My Anxiety

It's not always easy for me to articulate what's going on in my head. Most of the time my thoughts are a jumbled mess that I can barely make sense of on a decent day. A while back I came across an article that listed out things that the author, who also struggles from anxiety, wanted her loved ones to know. I found that I really related to what the article said. Around the same time I was hanging out with my boyfriend when I had my first anxiety attack in front of him. He was extremely kind and patient with me but he still struggled to understand what I was going through. In his defense, I was having a really difficult time articulating what I was going through. I barely understood what was going on myself. I ended up sending the article to him and found that we both understood my anxiety a little better because of it. I find that reading what other people have to say about their anxiety helps me to better sort out my own thoughts and feelings. This is not to say that I agree with everything every article says but more they help me realize what does and does not apply to me. Now, when I find a new article, I send it to my boyfriend along with a list of the points that I feel best relate to me. Doing so has really helped both of us in many ways. I thought I would share those points here so that other people can hopefully understand a little bit more about what I'm going through and also help them better articulate what they may be going through as well. All the articles listed below can be found under the "Articles" section of the side bar as well.

7 Things People with Anxiety Want Their Loved Ones to Know
The numbers that apply to me: 1-7

15 Things You Need to Know About People Who Have Concealed Anxiety
The numbers that apply to me: 1, 2, sometimes 3, 4-11, 13-15

36 Things People With Anxiety Want Their Friends to Know
The numbers that apply to me: 1, 2, 4-6, sometimes 7, 8-15, 17, 18, 20-26, 28, 30-32, maybe not years but 33, 34 and 35

How People Treat Mental Illness Vs. How They Treat Physical Illness
The numbers that I see in my day to day life, either personally or with other people: 1-7

This next article is related to anxiety in that studies have shown that there is a positive correlation between people with anxiety and people who are more sensitive to the world around them. The question still remains whether people with anxiety are more prone to be sensitive or if more sensitive people are more prone to have anxiety. Either way I found that I relate to many things in this article.

25 Struggles Only INFJs Will Understand
The numbers that apply to me: 1-10, 12, 13, sometimes 14 (see number 1), 15-23, and very much 25